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Feb. 19th, 2012 08:23 am![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
gospel-of-mary.insanejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
nevermore_logsWho: Huitzilopotchli and Mary Magdalena
What: Valentines fallout
When: Sunday evening
Where: Huitzi's place
Warnings: Mentions of cannibalism, mentions of violence, Aztecs, Probably language, TBD
He couldn't keep hiding. Nor was it fair from him to really do that, nor did it really appeal to his own odd sense of honor. His conversation with Quetzalcoatl had at least straightened a few things out and answered some question he hadn't known how to ask. He was born for war, had been born in death and blood. That he could do. All of this just confused him. And the temple had helped as well. When he'd returned he'd chased a few interlopers out of his territory and had to smile at the hummingbirds his warriors were painting on a few buildings.
Small steps, almost crawling, but it was a start.
His warriors were pleased to see him return and once he was done greeting them he set out in search for Mary. When he found her he inclined his head to her in greeting. "Mary," he extended his hand. "come we need to speak. Privately." This was his business and he wasn't too willing to have his warriors listen in on it all. Some things he preferred keeping to himself.
Mary had been worried about where her Hummingbird had been, and when he appeared and asked right away to speak that only made things worse. She took his hand and stood, following him until there were alone. "Is this about Valentine's Day?" she asked before he could say anything. "I got hit with some love spell- did you?"
In Mary's experience 'we need to speak' could only ever be about bad things and she hoped she could, in some way, stop those bad things from happening if she just started talking.
"Yes," he released her hand once they were alone and sat down. "I was with Xochipilli." He'd decided to be honest. It seemed the best course of action. "I was hit with something I imagine, but I acted how I act with you. Gifts and such things." He set his hands on his legs. "I do not think I would have acted like that with a stranger. Whatever I felt for Xochipilli was already there, only heightened by this arrow."
"I wasn't here because I was conflicted. I do not like greys. My world has become a lot of grey. I was at the Temple. I spoke to Quetzalcoatl. He said to be honest so I am. If I did not love you I do not think I would have returned here. Right now I have two paths before me. One is with you, the other with Xochipilli. The chance that neither of you will walk with me exists of course, but I must decide where I will go. I love you Mary, but I will be honest." He rose and took out an obsidian knife and set it before him. "I kill. I gain power by devouring hearts. I have a neighborhood. I will not stop killing or conquering in my own way. People will sing praises and pray to me again. I must ask you if you can accept this Mary. Can you accept me, fully, or will you continue to close your eyes against the portion of me that you wish you could change?"
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[info]gospel_of_mary
2012-02-20 01:41 am UTC (link) Track This
Mary moved slowly and carefully so that she was by a bench that she could lean on, although she tried not to make it too obvious. She didn't care that he'd slept with someone else - monogamy and Mary were not allies - but this was something different. This was Huitzilopotchli saying he wanted something different. Something not her.
She didn't answer his question, because Mary knew what her answer would be and couldn't yet speak it. "Do you want to be with him?" Mary asked very calmly, forcing herself to keep her eyes on his. The waver in her voice was only small and she was thankful for that. "Is that what you want?"
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[info]bluehummingbird
2012-02-20 01:50 am UTC (link) Track This
She had not answered him and he sighed. He toyed the knife in his hands, mostly because he didn't quite know what to do with himself. "Part of me, yes. I do." He sat back down. "Home is very far for me. Xochipilli gives me part of that. He understands, accepts. You, I think, would stop me from killing. He would not." He wasn't sure if this was the right thing to say, but it was the honest thing to say.
"But I also love you. You have given me something unique. You opened a door and loved me. But I don't have all of you Mary. You're so incredible and I see all these parts of you, but I only have a piece. Part of your heart still belongs to another, and at the end of the day I do not know I can always accept that." He sighed, "you turn from part of me because you cannot see what I am. You look at me and see pieces, not the full picture. You've never desired to change me, but you would I think, if you could."
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[info]gospel_of_mary
2012-02-20 02:01 am UTC (link) Track This
Mary swallowed the hard, sharp lump that had formed in her throat. She felt like she was choking on it. "I would change you," she forced herself to admit, dropping her gaze and blinking quickly as she felt her eyes begin to sting. "If I could, if you could live without killing. But... you would change me too. We always knew that."
She looked up at him, biting down on the inside of her cheeks in an attempt to ground herself. Her Hummingbird had always said it would be her who broke his heart. Mary had never even suspected that it could be the other way around.
"I love you," she said. "More than I thought I ever could. Enough that-" she clenched her teeth together, closing her eyes and shaking her head. She needed to take a few long breaths before she spoke or else she might cry.
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[info]bluehummingbird
2012-02-20 02:09 am UTC (link) Track This
He didn't like seeing her in pain. He never had. He liked it even less knowing it was him who had caused her such pain. But he would be honest. Hiding all of his thoughts and how he felt would benefit no one. "I know. I'd keep you more to myself. We are different. This was always known."
He nodded, "I know you do. As I love you. Neither of our people really like our association." he frowned, leaning forward to set his fingers to her cheek. There were too many conflicting emotions within him to really make anything out but he didn't want her to hurt either. "Speak honestly Mary."
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[info]gospel_of_mary
2012-02-20 02:16 am UTC (link) Track This
She could feel whatever strength she had left crumbling at that touch and although she tried to suppress it, a whimper escaped her throat. "Please don't leave me," she begged. "I love you and I'll do anything to make you happy, but please don't leave me."
She wanted him to be happy. She wanted to be the mature adult and tell him to go to this Aztec that made him happy and understood him, but the idea of being rejected - especially after so long and after all they had shared - felt like the worst kind of death.
Mary shook her head at him. "I'll be better," she promised him, holding his hand against her face. "I'll do whatever it takes to make you happy."
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[info]bluehummingbird
2012-02-20 02:27 am UTC (link) Track This
He titled his head and settled his hand against her cheeck. Part of him didn't think it was fair. The part of him that knew that maybe someday, she would leave him. And then his own request may end up getting denied. And he didn't think it fair for either of them to pretend like he didn't have that part.
But he had a hard time seeing her hurting. She'd been a presence in his home and heart for some time. "Shhh." Almost gently he set his arms around her, "I love you. You know this." He brushed her hair from her eyes and smiled at her, "I don't want you to compromise yourself my Mary. You are exceptional. You know what I would ask of you. To be mine, completely. No more running off with other men. To accept me as I am. To accept the death I bring, the blood on my hands and on my lips. You know that is what I desire but that requires a change of you I cannot ask."
He tilted his head, "part of me is angry with you. For cheating. That you will do it again. Part of me fears that in however many years we'll sit here again and you'll tell me you can no longer close your eyes to the things that are part of me. That what I am will turn you from me. I fear this will become reality and you will leave me. I let an angel in my door for you. I depended on something I utterly hate for protection against something I can not yet fight. And I wish I didn't, because it stings me he touched the things that are mine. And it angers me. I do not think you deserve my anger."
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[info]gospel_of_mary
2012-02-20 02:36 am UTC (link) Track This
A sob caught in Mary's throat and she pressed her forehead to his as she squeezed her eyes shut.
It hurt all the more because she knew that Huitzilopotchli was right.
She turned a blind eye to the murder of mankind because she loved him, and what did that make her? What did that make all her self-righteous words to others and of her virtue in the eyes of God?
"I wanted so much for this to just work," Mary said, her voice overtaken by tears. "Even though I knew that our paths were different and- I just wanted you. I just wanted this to be enough." But it wasn't. It wasn't enough for her to hurt him because of simply what she was, and it wasn't enough for her to pretend that the shedding of innocent blood didn't kill whatever goodness still lived within her.
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[info]bluehummingbird
2012-02-20 02:50 am UTC (link) Track This
It did hurt. This was a wound that cut deep and he wasn't all too equipped to deal with. He could lie and say that it was alright, but it wasn't. Their difference didn't matter right now. But someday, somehow, it would matter. He'd kill someone that she would hold objection too and all the words they would say would be full of anger and hate.
Rather the brutal cut, then the one that would leave infection in its wake.
"I know love," his words were gentle but he did not know tears. It hurt but he wasn't sure how to show it. "I wanted it too." He closed his eyes and sighed. "we are different, and yet I love you." He released his arms from her and tried to give her a smile, brushing her tears away. "Hollow as it sounds, no matter what I am at your side if you need me. My home is your home if you need it. That remains."
(Reply to this)(Parent) (Thread)
[info]gospel_of_mary
2012-02-20 02:54 am UTC (link) Track This
He let her go and Mary couldn't handle that, not yet. "Please," she whispered, pressing herself against him, kissing his lips quickly. (She could taste her own tears as she did.) She didn't even know now what she was asking for. "Please not like this. Please just kiss me one last time and I'll go, I'll walk away right now and I won't look back."
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[info]bluehummingbird
2012-02-20 03:10 am UTC (link) Track This
"You don't need to do that and you know it." Gently though, gentler then he usually was, he kissed her and closed his eyes. He'd remember their time until the day he faded,. She'd remain special to him, he knew that. Maybe differently then she was now, but she would be considered friend none the less.
He drew back, not truly knowing what else to do. All of these emotions didn't sit right with him, and he still had another conversation to have. And that could end just as bad as this one had ended.
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[info]gospel_of_mary
2012-02-20 03:17 am UTC (link) Track This
Mary took a deep breath but didn't open her eyes yet. "I can't stay," she whispered. "I can't be around you knowing what I've lost." She opened her eyes and took him in quickly. It wasn't fair. It burned her alive inside, how much she loved him. "I love you. I won't ever-" she swallowed and forced herself to move backwards away from him.
Then she turned and walked quickly away. She didn't look at the warriors and she didn't collect any of her things from her room. She just walked straight out of the building and kept going, not even sure to where.
What: Valentines fallout
When: Sunday evening
Where: Huitzi's place
Warnings: Mentions of cannibalism, mentions of violence, Aztecs, Probably language, TBD
He couldn't keep hiding. Nor was it fair from him to really do that, nor did it really appeal to his own odd sense of honor. His conversation with Quetzalcoatl had at least straightened a few things out and answered some question he hadn't known how to ask. He was born for war, had been born in death and blood. That he could do. All of this just confused him. And the temple had helped as well. When he'd returned he'd chased a few interlopers out of his territory and had to smile at the hummingbirds his warriors were painting on a few buildings.
Small steps, almost crawling, but it was a start.
His warriors were pleased to see him return and once he was done greeting them he set out in search for Mary. When he found her he inclined his head to her in greeting. "Mary," he extended his hand. "come we need to speak. Privately." This was his business and he wasn't too willing to have his warriors listen in on it all. Some things he preferred keeping to himself.
Mary had been worried about where her Hummingbird had been, and when he appeared and asked right away to speak that only made things worse. She took his hand and stood, following him until there were alone. "Is this about Valentine's Day?" she asked before he could say anything. "I got hit with some love spell- did you?"
In Mary's experience 'we need to speak' could only ever be about bad things and she hoped she could, in some way, stop those bad things from happening if she just started talking.
"Yes," he released her hand once they were alone and sat down. "I was with Xochipilli." He'd decided to be honest. It seemed the best course of action. "I was hit with something I imagine, but I acted how I act with you. Gifts and such things." He set his hands on his legs. "I do not think I would have acted like that with a stranger. Whatever I felt for Xochipilli was already there, only heightened by this arrow."
"I wasn't here because I was conflicted. I do not like greys. My world has become a lot of grey. I was at the Temple. I spoke to Quetzalcoatl. He said to be honest so I am. If I did not love you I do not think I would have returned here. Right now I have two paths before me. One is with you, the other with Xochipilli. The chance that neither of you will walk with me exists of course, but I must decide where I will go. I love you Mary, but I will be honest." He rose and took out an obsidian knife and set it before him. "I kill. I gain power by devouring hearts. I have a neighborhood. I will not stop killing or conquering in my own way. People will sing praises and pray to me again. I must ask you if you can accept this Mary. Can you accept me, fully, or will you continue to close your eyes against the portion of me that you wish you could change?"
(Reply to this)(Parent) (Thread)
[info]gospel_of_mary
2012-02-20 01:41 am UTC (link) Track This
Mary moved slowly and carefully so that she was by a bench that she could lean on, although she tried not to make it too obvious. She didn't care that he'd slept with someone else - monogamy and Mary were not allies - but this was something different. This was Huitzilopotchli saying he wanted something different. Something not her.
She didn't answer his question, because Mary knew what her answer would be and couldn't yet speak it. "Do you want to be with him?" Mary asked very calmly, forcing herself to keep her eyes on his. The waver in her voice was only small and she was thankful for that. "Is that what you want?"
(Reply to this)(Parent) (Thread)
[info]bluehummingbird
2012-02-20 01:50 am UTC (link) Track This
She had not answered him and he sighed. He toyed the knife in his hands, mostly because he didn't quite know what to do with himself. "Part of me, yes. I do." He sat back down. "Home is very far for me. Xochipilli gives me part of that. He understands, accepts. You, I think, would stop me from killing. He would not." He wasn't sure if this was the right thing to say, but it was the honest thing to say.
"But I also love you. You have given me something unique. You opened a door and loved me. But I don't have all of you Mary. You're so incredible and I see all these parts of you, but I only have a piece. Part of your heart still belongs to another, and at the end of the day I do not know I can always accept that." He sighed, "you turn from part of me because you cannot see what I am. You look at me and see pieces, not the full picture. You've never desired to change me, but you would I think, if you could."
(Reply to this)(Parent) (Thread)
[info]gospel_of_mary
2012-02-20 02:01 am UTC (link) Track This
Mary swallowed the hard, sharp lump that had formed in her throat. She felt like she was choking on it. "I would change you," she forced herself to admit, dropping her gaze and blinking quickly as she felt her eyes begin to sting. "If I could, if you could live without killing. But... you would change me too. We always knew that."
She looked up at him, biting down on the inside of her cheeks in an attempt to ground herself. Her Hummingbird had always said it would be her who broke his heart. Mary had never even suspected that it could be the other way around.
"I love you," she said. "More than I thought I ever could. Enough that-" she clenched her teeth together, closing her eyes and shaking her head. She needed to take a few long breaths before she spoke or else she might cry.
(Reply to this)(Parent) (Thread)
[info]bluehummingbird
2012-02-20 02:09 am UTC (link) Track This
He didn't like seeing her in pain. He never had. He liked it even less knowing it was him who had caused her such pain. But he would be honest. Hiding all of his thoughts and how he felt would benefit no one. "I know. I'd keep you more to myself. We are different. This was always known."
He nodded, "I know you do. As I love you. Neither of our people really like our association." he frowned, leaning forward to set his fingers to her cheek. There were too many conflicting emotions within him to really make anything out but he didn't want her to hurt either. "Speak honestly Mary."
(Reply to this)(Parent) (Thread)
[info]gospel_of_mary
2012-02-20 02:16 am UTC (link) Track This
She could feel whatever strength she had left crumbling at that touch and although she tried to suppress it, a whimper escaped her throat. "Please don't leave me," she begged. "I love you and I'll do anything to make you happy, but please don't leave me."
She wanted him to be happy. She wanted to be the mature adult and tell him to go to this Aztec that made him happy and understood him, but the idea of being rejected - especially after so long and after all they had shared - felt like the worst kind of death.
Mary shook her head at him. "I'll be better," she promised him, holding his hand against her face. "I'll do whatever it takes to make you happy."
(Reply to this)(Parent) (Thread)
[info]bluehummingbird
2012-02-20 02:27 am UTC (link) Track This
He titled his head and settled his hand against her cheeck. Part of him didn't think it was fair. The part of him that knew that maybe someday, she would leave him. And then his own request may end up getting denied. And he didn't think it fair for either of them to pretend like he didn't have that part.
But he had a hard time seeing her hurting. She'd been a presence in his home and heart for some time. "Shhh." Almost gently he set his arms around her, "I love you. You know this." He brushed her hair from her eyes and smiled at her, "I don't want you to compromise yourself my Mary. You are exceptional. You know what I would ask of you. To be mine, completely. No more running off with other men. To accept me as I am. To accept the death I bring, the blood on my hands and on my lips. You know that is what I desire but that requires a change of you I cannot ask."
He tilted his head, "part of me is angry with you. For cheating. That you will do it again. Part of me fears that in however many years we'll sit here again and you'll tell me you can no longer close your eyes to the things that are part of me. That what I am will turn you from me. I fear this will become reality and you will leave me. I let an angel in my door for you. I depended on something I utterly hate for protection against something I can not yet fight. And I wish I didn't, because it stings me he touched the things that are mine. And it angers me. I do not think you deserve my anger."
(Reply to this)(Parent) (Thread)
[info]gospel_of_mary
2012-02-20 02:36 am UTC (link) Track This
A sob caught in Mary's throat and she pressed her forehead to his as she squeezed her eyes shut.
It hurt all the more because she knew that Huitzilopotchli was right.
She turned a blind eye to the murder of mankind because she loved him, and what did that make her? What did that make all her self-righteous words to others and of her virtue in the eyes of God?
"I wanted so much for this to just work," Mary said, her voice overtaken by tears. "Even though I knew that our paths were different and- I just wanted you. I just wanted this to be enough." But it wasn't. It wasn't enough for her to hurt him because of simply what she was, and it wasn't enough for her to pretend that the shedding of innocent blood didn't kill whatever goodness still lived within her.
(Reply to this)(Parent) (Thread)
[info]bluehummingbird
2012-02-20 02:50 am UTC (link) Track This
It did hurt. This was a wound that cut deep and he wasn't all too equipped to deal with. He could lie and say that it was alright, but it wasn't. Their difference didn't matter right now. But someday, somehow, it would matter. He'd kill someone that she would hold objection too and all the words they would say would be full of anger and hate.
Rather the brutal cut, then the one that would leave infection in its wake.
"I know love," his words were gentle but he did not know tears. It hurt but he wasn't sure how to show it. "I wanted it too." He closed his eyes and sighed. "we are different, and yet I love you." He released his arms from her and tried to give her a smile, brushing her tears away. "Hollow as it sounds, no matter what I am at your side if you need me. My home is your home if you need it. That remains."
(Reply to this)(Parent) (Thread)
[info]gospel_of_mary
2012-02-20 02:54 am UTC (link) Track This
He let her go and Mary couldn't handle that, not yet. "Please," she whispered, pressing herself against him, kissing his lips quickly. (She could taste her own tears as she did.) She didn't even know now what she was asking for. "Please not like this. Please just kiss me one last time and I'll go, I'll walk away right now and I won't look back."
(Reply to this)(Parent) (Thread)
[info]bluehummingbird
2012-02-20 03:10 am UTC (link) Track This
"You don't need to do that and you know it." Gently though, gentler then he usually was, he kissed her and closed his eyes. He'd remember their time until the day he faded,. She'd remain special to him, he knew that. Maybe differently then she was now, but she would be considered friend none the less.
He drew back, not truly knowing what else to do. All of these emotions didn't sit right with him, and he still had another conversation to have. And that could end just as bad as this one had ended.
(Reply to this)(Parent) (Thread)
[info]gospel_of_mary
2012-02-20 03:17 am UTC (link) Track This
Mary took a deep breath but didn't open her eyes yet. "I can't stay," she whispered. "I can't be around you knowing what I've lost." She opened her eyes and took him in quickly. It wasn't fair. It burned her alive inside, how much she loved him. "I love you. I won't ever-" she swallowed and forced herself to move backwards away from him.
Then she turned and walked quickly away. She didn't look at the warriors and she didn't collect any of her things from her room. She just walked straight out of the building and kept going, not even sure to where.
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