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[gospel-of-mary.insanejournal.com]

WHO: Mary Magdalene & Judas Iscariot
WHEN: July 22nd, The Feast Day of Mary Magdalene
WHERE: Mary's place.
WHAT: THIS IS ALL WRONG.

The week leading up to Mary's feast day was always a time of massive change for the apostle. Physically and mentally the woman she was for the rest of the year began to melt away, her hair growing long and red, her mind turning from the usual activities to full time repenting for her sins. Mary Magdalene, the saint of contemplative lives, of converts, of penitent sinners, of those ridiculed for their piety, of women seeking redemption for their sexual actions. During the week of her feast she was flooded with so many prayers from the Catholics and everything garnered from pop culture was swept away with them.

Which was why when Judas showed up at her window on the day of her feast, Mary felt both overwhelming relief and guilt at the same time. She stood from the bed, coming over to him with a gentle expression, her hair loose over her shoulders in copper waves.

"Judas, brother," she said, taking his hands in hers. "I hoped you'd come see me today."

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[faithtraitor.insanejournal.com]

"What did you do to your hair?" was the first thing Judas asked, stepping slowly into the room. He hadn't come here for the hippy free-love treatment. He never came here because it was easy. He wanted to yank his hands out of hers, but he was more concerned for her mental well-being than for himself. "Did I leave some weed behind last time or something?"

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"It changed," Mary shrugged. "It does that today." She squeezed his hands gently and with a small smile. "I haven't seen you for a while. I hope you're okay? I really hate thinking of you out there alone."

[faithtraitor.insanejournal.com]

"...dooo you??" Judas said, completely bewildered now. She was being so gentle to him. It was, frankly, sickening. Wait, it does that today?? "What's today? What's the occasion??" he asked, looking around for a wall calendar.

[gospel-of-mary.insanejournal.com]

Mary's smile was warm. "It's my feast day," she told Judas. "The rest of the year it's like there's some awful thing that's taken me over but today, oh, today I finally get to see and feel everything so clearly. Today I'm reminded of why I'm here and what my purpose is and it's beautiful. And," she added with a small frown, "I wanted to tell you that I'm sorry, for all the horrible things I've said to you. It was never my place - we're all sinners and I don't know how I could have the arrogance to think I was somehow better than you. Will you forgive me for treating you like I did?"

[faithtraitor.insanejournal.com]

Ooohhh. Feast day. She was overwhelmed with Catholic prayer instead of her usual slutty, bitchy self. Judas clasped her hands back and nodded as seriously as he could. "Of course I understand, Magdalene. We're only ...whatever we are. Practically human. Should I put the jug on? Did you get more coffee?" Shit. That probably meant a fuck over the dining table was out of the question.

[gospel-of-mary.insanejournal.com]

"There should be some coffee left," Mary said, freeing her hands so she could go find it. "I got rid of the alcohol in the apartment - I don't know why I kept so much around when it always leads to sin and anger and self-pity."

[faithtraitor.insanejournal.com]

"Got rid of?" Judas suppressed a groan. He hoped she'd just put it in the trash rather than tipping it down the drain. It could be rescued from the bin. "I paid for some of that, you know." He sat down on a kitchen chair to wait for the coffee, looking around. The place did look a heck of a lot cleaner, that was for sure. "I don't really need booze for sin, anger and self-pity, but it sure helps..." he muttered, wondering how she'd take his hilarious quips today.

[gospel-of-mary.insanejournal.com]

"I know, and I'll make it up to you, I promise." She didn't want to get rid of things that didn't completely belong to her, but she was sure the alcohol didn't help with how she so often felt. Why was it she could only see clearly now? She always hoped, every single year, that this would be the time she wouldn't slide back, that this time she would be all that she could be.

Mary came over to sit beside him. "Self-pity is no good for any of us. And I know that I treat you with cruelty but the truth that you need to remember, even when it all goes back to the horrible way it was, is that I don't blame you for what happened, Judas." She touched his hand, her eyes on his. "It wasn't your fault."

[faithtraitor.insanejournal.com]

If he was completely honest, he wasn't sure which he preferred, the bitter and cynical Mary or the forgiving and patient Magdalene. He kind of wanted her to hate him, because it reinforced that way he hated himself and made him feel less wretched. Still, hearing someone actually forgive him- Agatha tried, oh she did, but she couldn't quite let it go and properly forgive and forget. He stared at Mary, unsure what to say.

[gospel-of-mary.insanejournal.com]

Mary leaned forward and laid a gentle kiss on his forehead. "I love you, Judas," she said as she sat back down. "I always have, even when I've been furious with you. I forgive you everything, just like I know he did too."

[faithtraitor.insanejournal.com]

Judas clenched his jaw against a sudden swell of emotion and turned away, not wanting to face this. He tried to think of something to respond with, and shook his head. "How can he? I don't even remember what he looked like any more. I can't see his face in my mind, just his voice asking me why I betrayed him-" He broke off and rubbed his hands on his face. "Stop it. Just- don't. Please."

[gospel-of-mary.insanejournal.com]

"It was all a part of the plan though," Mary said, feeling bad about having upset him but unable to stop herself now. "God is all-knowing and you were needed to play your part. Yours was the hardest part, but Jesus loved you, so much, and if he's watching us now he knows your grief and your guilt and he'd want you to live without it. He loved us. And, Judas, I miss you. I miss us. We were so close once, the closest. I want that friendship back."

[faithtraitor.insanejournal.com]

"Oh no. No no." Judas shook a finger at Mary, leaning away. "You take away my guilt and I don't have a reason to go on existing. My guilt is mine and I will carry it until the Bible burns and the world implodes. We are close. Why do you think I show up so often? You're my friend, at least, I'm yours." He wasn't sure what this Mary though of their interesting nocturnal activities, but he'd hazard a guess that they aren't a part of this holy friendship. "I want it back too, Mary, but there have always been three people in this relationship, whether he walks with us or no."

[gospel-of-mary.insanejournal.com]

"He's still here," Mary promised, standing up and coming towards Judas. "He's with us always." She touched her own chest and then his. "I believe without question that He still loves and cares for us. We weren't just strangers to him, we were friends. And if he could see what we've become without him-" she shook her head with a small smile. "We're a mess, but at least we're trying."

[faithtraitor.insanejournal.com]

"I think it's more resenting me for his absence than appreciating his love, for you," Judas said warily. "I know we were friends. And "mess" is an understatement." He wasn't really sure how hard he was trying, to be honest. He used to try, back when he cared a little more for his fellow man, but these days, nobody loved him, so fuck them all.

"How's that coffee coming?" he asked, changing the topic.

[gospel-of-mary.insanejournal.com]

Mary sighed, turning away from Judas to focus on the coffee. She wouldn't force this. They had plenty of time to talk about this - eternity, in fact. It didn't need to be today, and she'd already told him how she felt. She just hoped he took her apology to heart.

"I don't actually know how you take it," she said as she picked up the kettle. That was the sort of things friends should know, but in Judea there had been no coffee and these days... they hadn't been friends.

[faithtraitor.insanejournal.com]

"Black and bitter, like my heart," Judas said, then laughed. This was absurd. But, why not enjoy this odd new, soft Mary while she was willing to do things for him? She was being kind. It was like being with Agatha, but without that air of long-suffering she liked to carry around with her. So long as they could stay away from the heart-to-heart topics of forgiveness and... him. Judas could not be expected to retain face when dealing with that.