(no subject)

[shamrocked-.insanejournal.com]

WHO: George, Patrick and Joey
WHAT: Joey telling his story
WHEN: Monday evening
WHERE: Joey's apartment
WARNINGS: Recap of violence and rape



Patrick thought he might just die of nerves.

Joey had invited him over and the best time to do so was on Monday night when the girl who was staying with him had to work. George was with him and Patrick couldn't even express how relieved he was to have George there with him. He had his hand clenched in George's sleeve and he was shaking slightly as they knocked on the door. He had texted Joey a few moments ago as well so the mortal would know it was safe to open the door.

Joey swung the door open and Patrick took in the view of his friend. Patrick had seen him broken in the alley-way and in the hospital room but here in his everyday clothes hanging off of him, the change was shocking. Joey was rail-thin and he had bandages on his wrists. He was getting around with a cane, though Patrick didn't know that was just because he tired easily and his left ankle would throb if he was on it for too long. There were fresh scars on his arms and healing burn marks on his neck. "Joey," Patrick said, unable to keep the pain out of his voice even just upon greeting his friend.

"Just come in, Patrick. Hi, George."

Patrick bustled in, pulling George with him. "We brought Chinese food," he said, and he really hoped Joey would eat some.

Comments

[monster-slayer.insanejournal.com]

"Also more holy water," George said, holding up the 24-ounce plastic jug. "To help give the wards a little more oomph."

George had stopped by Joey's previously, painting the ward sigils with holy water and pouring some of his power into them. He was hoping Patrick would help out with re-applying them; in terms of raw power of belief, Patrick had more than just about any of them.

He offered Joey a tight, closed-off smile. He didn't look much better today than he had the last time George stopped by. It wasn't the first time George cursed the fact that his talents lay in combat rather than healing, but the feeling was still as strong as ever.

[shamrocked-.insanejournal.com]

"I like oomph," Joey said with a nod. He moved to sit on his sofa with a little sigh. Patrick went to sit across from him and he placed the food on the coffee table.

"Hungry?" he asked, pulling the plastic bag down so the boxes could be easily reached.

Joey let out a breath and then he shook his head once. "Maybe after."

Patrick clearly wanted to argue, but he held his tongue. Joey had just let him back into his life, he was hardly going to tell him what to do and get tossed out again. "Alright. How are you feeling today?"

Joey chewed on his lip for a second and he said, "can we...not do the small talk thing? I feel shit. But if I'm honest, I'm really glad you're here. Both of you."

[monster-slayer.insanejournal.com]

George sat down beside Patrick, reaching down to give his brother's hand a squeeze.

"We're glad to be here," George said. "Though it would be a lot better if the circumstances were different."

[shamrocked-.insanejournal.com]

"Yeah," Joey nodded, clearly agreeing. Patrick, for his part, said nothing. If he did, he might cry. He had missed his best friend so much and there were no words to properly express it.

Joseph ran his fingers though his hair and he leaned his cane against the sofa. "I'm terrified to even leave the apartment because that was where he got me. Just outside my building. I don't even know how he knew where I lived."

Patrick looked confused about that. "I...I don't either. Unless-" Patrick breathed out. "He's had me followed before. That...that's probably how he knew. Joey, I'm sorry."

Joey paused for a second and then he said, "so...if I moved and you still came to see me, there's no way to keep my place a secret? That sucks."

[monster-slayer.insanejournal.com]

"It depends on if he's having you or Patrick followed," George said, picking at his fingernails in an unconscious movement. "Near as I can tell, he doesn't...well, paying attention to humans is pretty far down on Lucifer's list. He might forget about you."

George said it all in an even measured tone, because he knew there was a possibility that Joey would react with fury rather than relief at the thought of Lucifer forgetting the whole affair. It had been a life changing trauma for Joey, and it had been another average week for Lucifer.

[shamrocked-.insanejournal.com]

There was no fury in the thought that Lucifer would forget him. Joey let out a semi-relieved sigh and then he said, "I hope so, fuck."

Patrick wanted to reach out and pat Joey's knee, but he didn't think he should. Instead he reached for George's hand. "I hope so too."

"I hadn't even been there for an hour and he burned me. Showed me his real face. He asked me what my greatest fear was and because I thought telling him would make him stop burning me, I admitted ever since I was assaulted once, I feared being raped. He stopped burning me and made my greatest fear come true. And I was there for three more weeks. How...how do I even begin to move past that?!"

Patrick expelled a shaky breath, but he wasn't exactly one for giving advice about that kind of thing these days.

"Just so you know," Joey said, responding to Patrick's frantic look, "I wasn't exactly asking for an answer there. I'm just explaining how I feel."

[monster-slayer.insanejournal.com]

"It's gonna be with you forever, Joey," George said mournfully. "I don't--if there was a way we could just take the memories that you wanted gone, we would. But we can't, and I'm so sorry."

[shamrocked-.insanejournal.com]

Joey looked up at the ceiling for a moment, one hand rubbing at the bandages on his opposite wrist. "I- I don't know if I want them gone. Going back in time and having it never happen, sure. But...it did happen. If I had it erased, then- I don't know, it would just feel wrong."

"I feel that way about a lot of things," Patrick admitted. And he had forgotten a great deal of his life. He knew it sucked.

"I can't even explain the pain though. I was crucified by Lucifer. He waited for me to slide down off the wall. I fainted but he kept waking me up. Then they threw me in this room where I was for days and his minions played with me. And then someone came. He- He was wearing your face, Patrick."

Patrick raised his eyebrows at that. "My face?"

"Yeah. Told me you all had abandoned me and I believed him."

[monster-slayer.insanejournal.com]

George breathed out harshly through his nose. "That was probably Satan. I mean, Hell's probably got more than one shapeshifter, but he likes doing that. Wearing the face of someone you care about and saying terrible shit."

[shamrocked-.insanejournal.com]

Joey looked shocked then. "Satan and Lucifer? Lucky me." He looked bitter for a moment and Patrick thought he was going to kick them out until he said, "doesn't matter, he was wrong."

Just those few words filled Patrick with more hope than he had had in a long time. Joey had accepted that they had tried to get to him and it was what he had been wishing for. "He was."

"I lost track of time in there. I was cold and starving and thirsty and I woke up one day and there were no minions around. No minions and my door was open. I thought I could escape because I'm an idiot. I wandered the halls and while looking for the front door I found a bathroom instead. The taps weren't working so I drank from the toilet. I didn't even care that that is disgusting. Then I found the front door but I couldn't get out."

"It's not disgusting, Joey," Patrick assured him. "I mean... you did what you had to do."

[monster-slayer.insanejournal.com]

"It was smart," George agreed. "You were trying to survive. And you weren't an idiot to think you could escape. It sounds like you were still fighting them."

[shamrocked-.insanejournal.com]

"I guess," Joey said. "Lucifer came up to me at the door and he said...argh. He said if I promised never to see you again, he would let me go."

Patrick stiffened and his grip on George's hand tightened. "Wh-when? When did he-?"

"About a week and a half before he actually did toss me out. I couldn't promise him that."

"Fuck," Patrick hissed. His mortal friend had stayed in that terrible place because of him. "Joey-"

[monster-slayer.insanejournal.com]

"So you stayed," George said, swallowing around the lump in his throat. "It was...was a good idea not to make a deal with Lucifer. Those don't end well for anyone but him."

[shamrocked-.insanejournal.com]

"I know that," Joey admitted, "and part of me was convinced that was the reason I didn't agree to it, but it wasn't. I was too far gone to think like that. If he had given me some other kind of deal I would have taken it in an instant. I was already so broken. I just...couldn't give him that. I couldn't give him you."

"I'm so sorry," Patrick said, bursting into tears. "Joey, I'm sorry!"

"Patrick, it's not your fault. And I didn't do it for you benefit, I did it for mine. My life, despite current circumstances, has been better since you came in to it." He didn't say those words with a lot of feeling, but it was clear he meant them.

[monster-slayer.insanejournal.com]

George wrapped an arm around Patrick's shoulder. He could at least give his brother some support, even if he felt helpless in the face of Joey's pain.

"That was brave of you," George said, the words feeling small and useless.

[shamrocked-.insanejournal.com]

"It was helplessness. There was nothing else I could do but stay or let him ruin the rest of my life forever. He already had enough."

Patrick sniffed and wiped at his eyes. "I hate him."

"Yeah," Joey nodded. "You two have lived for thousands of years. And you're a martyr," he said to George. "How do you not feel angry every day over the things that were done to you?"

Patrick sighed deeply. "In my case, I forgave the man who held me captive a long time ago. And then I didn't even remember it for a long time. I just trusted God had a plan and that was part of it. Which might seem trite, but it turned out to be true."

[monster-slayer.insanejournal.com]

George looked down at his hands and smiled slightly. "The funny thing is, I forgave the guy who killed me way before it actually happened. I felt like I was betraying him." George sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. "It sticks with you. Flares up like an old ache sometimes, when you least expect it. It's not quick to vanish."

[cup-of-joey.insanejournal.com]

Joey breathed out slowly and he pulled his leg up against his chest. "I think right now I am struggling to even remember who I used to be. Does that make sense?"

[monster-slayer.insanejournal.com]

"It makes a lot of sense," George said. "You're not the same person you were before this happened to you."

[shamrocked-.insanejournal.com]

"Which sucks because I liked him," Joey said with a sigh. "But I get what you mean. I just have no idea how I am supposed to talk about all this to a shrink. How do I even start? What I said to you is only the beginning. There's so much all jumbled up in here," he pointed to his head. "Makes me so tired."

"Say what you feel like on the day," Patrick suggested. "And don't feel pressured to say anything else."

[monster-slayer.insanejournal.com]

George nodded. "If you want to talk about, I dunno, baseball when you're there, that's okay. Just talking is good, instead of keeping everything locked up in you."

[shamrocked-.insanejournal.com]

Joey nodded and then he groaned and pulled his hands over his face. "I know it might sound weird, but I think the worst parts were just when I was waiting. After all the torture and everything else, just lying there and waiting was horrible. I didn't know how long it had been or how long it would be and there was no one to talk to. Everything hurt and I was so hungry I was sure my stomach ate itself, and nothing to distract me from it."

And there was something Patrick knew all too well. "Yeah. I felt that way a lot when I was watching over sheep in Ireland. It was freezing where I was and I didn't have clothes. They cut all my hair off. All I could think of was the hunger and cold. Until I started to pray. That was where I found my faith. I'm not saying you have to, I'm just saying...well, it was a comfort to me."

[monster-slayer.insanejournal.com]

"It doesn't have to be Christianity," George said. "And maybe that makes us the worst saints, but whatever. Just find something that brings you comfort and isn't self-destructive."

[shamrocked-.insanejournal.com]

"No," Joey said, smiling slightly. "No, I think it makes you pretty good saints. Will you stay for dinner? Cheer me up? If I keep concentrating on what happened to me I'm going to get more depressed."

Patrick smiled and he nodded. "I'll stay as long as you want."

[monster-slayer.insanejournal.com]

"No place I'd rather be," George said. "You can watch me fingerpaint with holy water while you eat."