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[spoil-of-war.insanejournal.com]

WHO: Briseis & Patroclus
WHEN: Tuesday afternoon
WHERE: A cafe somewhere near her apartment
WHAT: Trying to make friends again
WARNINGS: Talk of rape/sexual violence/psychological torture

The last time that Briseis had actually spoken to Patroclus in person there had been not very much speaking and a lot of screaming and clinging to Achilles until Patroclus had been removed from the room. That had been two and a half months ago and since then she'd only communicated with him over the internet, and even then sparingly.

But she knew, logically, that the things done to her when she'd been kidnapped weren't. Patroclus. Patroclus hadn't raped her, hadn't beaten her and forced her to do degrading and painful things. In fact, no one had done that to her. Every horrible piece of violence inflicted on her during her kidnapping had been created in her mind by the power of others. But it all felt real, and Patroclus' face was part of it all.

But she missed him. She missed her friend that she had relied on and loved and she wanted it back, even if it meant putting herself through a different type of torture to fix it. She wasn't willing to consider what would happen if she couldn't move past it.

With her tea, Briseis sat in the busy cafe, feeling safe with all these people around her. She'd been forcing herself over the last month to come out more and deal with the world. In some ways it was working.

Comments

[borrowed-armor.insanejournal.com]

When Brisies had finally said she wanted to talk to Patroclus, he had risen from the chair and done a happy jig before sitting down to reply with a casual 'I would love to'. He missed his friend so much it hurt, and while he was enjoying Helen's presence, he wanted to go home.

He knew Briseis wouldn't have kept him away without reason, however, so when he arrived at the bakery he tried to be serious about it. He wanted to run over and give her a hug which involved picking her up and swinging her around, but he refrained. He still couldn't keep the manic grin off his face. "Briseis," he said with a nod. "It's really nice to see you."

[spoil-of-war.insanejournal.com]

Briseis gave him a smile but her own was a little less jubilant and a lot more wary. "Hi," she replied. "I'm glad you came."

[borrowed-armor.insanejournal.com]

"Of course, Bri." He sat down, sobered a little by her wary look. "I've really missed you." Of course none of it was her fault, but he had really missed her. "Are you feeling okay?"

[spoil-of-war.insanejournal.com]

Briseis gave him a little nod and then sighed, stirring her tea with her spoon just for her hands to have something to do. "I need to clear the air," she explained to him, looking up. "Get all this mess out of the way and try and fix everything. I assume that Deirdre or Achilles told you some of the details, the things I told them?"

[borrowed-armor.insanejournal.com]

Patroclus chewed on his lip and then he nodded slightly. "Not specifically, no. They told me you had reason for not wanting to see me and I took that for what it was. I know you wouldn't keep me away for something that wasn't important. It's okay if you don't want to tell me, Bri."

Something horrible had happened to his best friend. He wasn't going to make demands of her.

[spoil-of-war.insanejournal.com]

Briseis frowned, sort of wishing that her friends hadn't kept her confidence in this case. (A strange thing to wish of friends, but there it was anyway.) "No," she said with a shake of her head. "You need to know. Epiales had me: that part I guess you already know, but-" Briseis took a breath, pulling on the end of her sleeves as she considered her words. "They didn't torture me, not in any physical way. They barely touched me. But Epiales is Nightmares and so she knew the things I was the most scared of, she knew the things that I had nightmares about, and she knew how to make them happen when I was awake."

She sort of wanted to pick up her tea and take a sip, but she didn't want to pause her story. She wanted it out and done. "She made it seem like the soldiers from Greece were there, made me think they were raping me. She brought in all these men and she filled up every part of my mind with these horrifying things they would do to me. Sometimes she used the faces of soldiers I recognised but other times they were strangers, random men I'd never seen before." She looked at Patroclus and forced herself not to flinch. "Sometimes she used you."

[borrowed-armor.insanejournal.com]

Patroclus went white as a sheet while Bri explained what had been done to her. After experiencing violation at the hands of Peitho and Hermes, he had at least a little insight into what she must have felt. Hermes and Peitho were not his friends, however. He imagined how he would feel if someone made him believe Achilles was raping him and the though made his stomach twist in horror.

"Bri-" he whispered, unsure of even how to begin responding to that. "I- I'm so sorry." He knew she was aware he would never touch her. He also knew that him saying it probably wouldn't help anything. "Bri, I don't know what to say."

[spoil-of-war.insanejournal.com]

"I know," Briseis said with a little nod. "I didn't think you could say anything but... you deserve to know why I've been avoiding you. I just couldn't- I look at you and I think about that and I hate it, because I love you so much."

[borrowed-armor.insanejournal.com]

Patroclus nodded slowly, hating that his face brought her pain. "I love you too," he said softly. "I...I can wear a balaclava if you want!" Though that might be even more creepy...

[spoil-of-war.insanejournal.com]

Briseis raised an eyebrow at that but let it pass. She stirred her tea again. "I want us to be okay, because I miss you. I just..." she looked up. "I'm not ready yet, to be alone with you. I know that it wasn't really you and I know that you never would and even if you for some reason tried, I pretty much know how to take you down, warrior or not." (At least, she hoped.) "But... not ready."

[borrowed-armor.insanejournal.com]

Patroclus smiled to himself when Briseis said she could take him down. He didn't doubt it for a moment. "Bri, I would never begrudge you the time you need. I understand, of course I do. I want us to be okay too, but...when I think they used my face- It makes me so angry."

[spoil-of-war.insanejournal.com]

"You should be," Briseis agreed. "They deserve every drop of that anger on your behalf."

[borrowed-armor.insanejournal.com]

"Mostly I just hate to think they hurt you," he said honestly. "Briseis, you take all the time you need. Take anything you need. If I can do anything to help you, you know I would do it."