nevermore_logs | (no subject)

Entry tags:

saint george,
wrath

(no subject)

WHO: Wrath and George
WHAT: I AM SORRY I SUCK SO HARD IN THE BAD WAY
WHEN: Tuesday? Whatever day today is. I am so good at this
WHERE: George's
WARNINGS: Wrath's sailor mouth and self-harm

Wrath had now had a few days to stew over her fight with George. At first she had been furious, but her night out with Lust had fixed that. Then there was just sadness which, over time, converted to self-loathing as it always did with Wrath. She now felt like the entire fight was her fault, and everything bad that ever happened to them was her fault and George couldn't possibly hate her more than she hated herself.

It was only spotting the Saint George bracelet Patrick had gotten her, sitting benignly on her nightstand, which made her seek George out instead of just taking everything out on herself. He was a saint and maybe there as a chance, a slim one, that he didn't hate her and he wouldn't break up with her.

That was how she found herself at his door, her skinny arms wrapped around herself. She knocked and then waited, holding her breath and barely able to keep her tears in.

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George wanted to somehow wrap around Wrath and shield her from anything that might do her harm. He had a feeling any attempts to imitate a loveable python wouldn't be appreciated right then, however, so he hugged the dog to his chest instead.

"No, no, it's okay, you don't have to apologize for something like that," George said. "I'm sorry. I didn't know you'd been having dreams like that, or I would have...Wrath, I would never hurt you, okay? Even if your siblings all tagteamed to make me crazy, I would never hurt you."

"Yeah, well you can't know that. You punched Patrick in the face," she said, hugging herself tightly because she didn't have a dog. "I don't even know why I care, I would deserve it anyway."

"No you wouldn't!" George said, louder than he intended to. Bunny whined, and he let her go apologetically. "Wrath, you could never deserve that. Nothing you do could ever mean that you deserve that, all right? All right?"

Wrath pulled her knees up to her chin again and then she pulled her sleeves over her hands and balled her fists up. "But I'm worthless. I'm horrible to everyone and now I was horrible to you too."

"No you aren't," George said, resting his hands over her fists. "Listen to me. No one is worthless, and especially not you. You aren't horrible, either. You and me know some really horrible people, but you aren't one of them. You just got angry, that's all. Everyone gets angry and says things they probably shouldn't. I did too."

"I was so mad," she said sadly. "So mad and then that went away and I just wanted to die because I upset you." She still refused to look at him. "I just feel like I disappointed you. Like I let you down. But I can't even die right."

"Can I give you a hug, because the urge to hug is really strong right now," George said, not moving until she said so. "Upsetting me isn't any reason to hate yourself, sweetheart. I get upset about all kind of stupid things. I was legitimately upset two days ago because the taco truck wasn't outside my building at lunch. You are way more important to me than tacos."

Wrath took a deep breath and then she nodded quickly, her eyes still trained on her hands. "So you- You still love me?" she asked, her voice wavering. "Even though I said terrible things? Even though I hurt myself?"

George sat beside her and pulled her into a hug, closing his eyes and resting his head against hers. "Of course. That's not--it's not something I could change even if I wanted to. And I don't want to."

Wrath leaned into him and she let him hold her tightly. "I love you too," she whispered to him. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I don't want you to change."

"We'll find a way to make things work," George said, rubbing his thumb in a circle on her skin. "I don't like fighting with your siblings any more than you like watching it happen. It's gonna be okay. We just had a fight, that's all."

"They just don't know how to be reasonable," she said as if she was so very reasonable all the time. "And I don't like it when they hurt you." She relaxed against him, glad to be held. "But I hate when I hurt you more."

George kissed the side of her head. He said, "I'm all right. Been through a lot worse."

He held up his hand, like he was showing off his unmarked skin, and smiled a little. "See? Not a scratch."

Wrath glanced at his hand and she raised her fingers to brush against his palm. "Wish I could say the same," she whispered. "I'm sorry about that too." She always felt she was somehow disappointing him now when she slipped and hurt herself. She knew how upset it made him.

He closed his hand around hers. "It's...you don't have to apologize. I just don't like seeing you hurt. Even if you did it to yourself."

"Yeah, well." She knew he might want her to show him so he could see if she needed any disinfecting or anything like that. She didn't really want to, however. "The downstairs neighbor shot himself yesterday and I couldn't stop feeling like it was my fault. Like everything bad that ever happens is my fault. You gave yourself to Lucifer because of me. I-I just- It hurts."

"You aren't responsible for what other people do," George said, hugging her. "I could stand to learn that, too. If you worry about your neighbors, we could always try to find you and Sloth a place without people living right next door?"

"I like my apartment," she sighed. "It has a beach in the living room and it's cheap. Stupid suicidal humans." She leaned her head against his shoulder and sighed. "I hate being me. Except when I'm with you. When I'm with you, all that other shit just doesn't matter so much."

He closed his eyes. "We can build a beach anywhere if you ever do want to move, I promise. I love you. Let's not fight again for a while, okay?"

Wrath nodded against his chest, more than willing to at least try not to fight with George again. It sucked. "I love you too. Are you going to make me take my pants off?" she asked, and then she figured she might want to clarify there. "I cut my legs. Thought...maybe if I was all scarred, no one would bother me."

George hugged her tightly. "If you don't think they're gonna get infected, you can take care of the cuts yourself, if you want. But if not, we need to take care of them. You could end up in the hospital otherwise."

Wrath didn't take care of anything. She hugged him back and then gave him a dubious look. "Smashed my mirror and did it with the glass. I am not going to a fucking hospital."

George sighed. "Okay, we have to take care of that then. That can get septic really fast."

He detached himself from her gently and went to the bathroom. The first aid kit and the medicine cabinet were well stocked, and had plenty of disinfectants and bandages.

Wrath followed him, leaning against the door and looking embarrassed. "It's not your fault," she said softly. "I- I don't want you to feel guilty when you see it. It's my fault, okay?"

"Okay," George said, trying to look entirely non-judgmental. "It's gonna be fine."