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[littlekemp.insanejournal.com]

WHO: Little Kemp & Thanatos
WHEN: Friday
WHERE: Gravesend, Brooklyn
WHAT: Don't play chicken with cars!
WARNINGS: suicide attempts (but not really)?

Since getting her diagnosis, Little had lost interest in a lot of the things she'd previously done. Where there had once been a quiet schoolgirl who was respectful to her teachers and prefered books to most things, that was being replaced by a slow burning sense of rebellion and recklessness. Because her brother had been a nightmare as a teenager - something but her and their mother admitted to quite often - Little had always been content to be the good girl. She'd be well behaved and not drink and not end up having a baby before she'd even finished high school. And she'd done so well with it, skirting the borders of cool enough to escape the mortifying land of loser but never gaining enough attention to be truly popular. Little had been a good girl but it turned out all that didn't count for a damn thing

Her attempts to pretend that she wasn't actually going to get sick were beginning to break down and although she still had years (she hoped?) before any symptoms would start, she was finding it harder and harder to deny that her body had become a ticking time bomb.

She'd started sometimes skipping school, forging notes to keep calls to her mother at bay, and on those days she just walked around the city. She rode the bus to unfamiliar places and explored without purpose.

But sometimes on these days she felt weighed down by her future and needed to feel something more than just that heaviness. And those were the days when she did something a little more drastic. The first time she hadn't thought anything of it. She had squeezed her eyes shut and even as she took that first step off the pavement and into the zoom of traffic she didn't know whether she was hoping to get hit or hoping to cheat death. Maybe it was both. Horns had blared and people had shouted and cars had swerved and braked, but no one had hit her. She reached the other side of the street and then bolted, catching her breath in an alley a few blocks away while sucking on her inhaler.

Today, somewhere in Brooklyn she didn't know, Little did it again. Standing on the pavement at the side of a busy street, Little closed her eyes and stepped out into the traffic.

Comments

[a-gentle-death.insanejournal.com]

For Thanatos, his days were a comfortable routine. He'd work, and go home to Lyra. Every so often he'd get pulled to do his duty, but that was far and few between. He didn't mind. It gave him more time for family, and to fuss over his twin.

He'd had an early shift today which meant he'd be home at a decent time and he could see if Lyra felt like going to the park. He almost didn't spot the young mortal until he saw the flash of red hair and a car that was perhaps going a bit too quick. He thought she didn't notice.

Without really thinking about it he moved forward to grab her by the waist and pull her back, out of the way of the car and back on the pavement. Once there he released her, "Are you alright?" Out of pure instinct he looked around for his sisters, but then looked back to the girl.

[littlekemp.insanejournal.com]

No one had ever grabbed her off the street before, and just those arms around her waist were a complete surprise to Little. She blinked up at the man who'd pulled her back, all dark hair and silhouetted height, standing between her and the sun.

"Um," she said after she realised he'd asked her a question. Then she said, "not really," because it seemed like a complete stranger she'd never see again seemed like a fine person to actually be truthful with.

[a-gentle-death.insanejournal.com]

It wasn't against what he was to aid mortals, and he rather liked that. And unlike some in his family he didn't enjoy violence for the sake of it. So he smiled to her and offered his hand. "Thane." His job had forced him to learn how to at least appear human. And Lyra helped more.

"Did you need to get across? The people here are a bit...wild." He hoped that wasn't too strange of a question. Sometimes he still got confused what was and wasn't a good question to ask. Or got who to ask it of confused.

[littlekemp.insanejournal.com]

They'd shifted a little and she could see him more clearly now that the sun wasn't right behind him. He was really cute. Way way older than her, but still super cute. She didn't know whether to take his hand or not, because she sort of wanted to but sort of... didn't.

"I wasn't really trying to cross the street," Little admitted. "I was just... I was just checking something, I guess." She could feel her cheeks going red and she looked down, feeling like an idiot.

[a-gentle-death.insanejournal.com]

He didn't mind and dropped his hand. He was a stranger and he knew what that could be like. Well at least tried to. He tilted his head and long years of listening to people made her comment odd but he remembered not to pry. It wasn't his business.

"Not everyone checks their surroundings as well as they should, so do be cautious. I probably sound like every other person who would say that but do take care. Life is fragile." Smiling he straightened himself, "And apologies for grabbing like that."

[littlekemp.insanejournal.com]

"Life is precious," Little repeated, sounding deeply bitter as she sat down heavily on the curb. "Life is stupid," she corrected him. "It's stupid and not fair and I hate it."

[a-gentle-death.insanejournal.com]

He blinked. He wasn't sure how to handle this, but he knew what Lyra might do. So he took a seat on the curb at a fair distance. "I disagree. It's complex and sometimes it has very odd turns but I rather enjoy it. Is there a reason that life is stupid in your yes?" He shrugged, "I ask because this sounds familiar. And I can always leave if you like me to."

I want Thanatos and Lyra to adopt Little as their own >_>

[littlekemp.insanejournal.com]

"You don't have to leave," Little told him. "You're like the first person who even tried to stop me walking in front of a car so..." She shrugged, not sure where she was going with the thought.

She sniffed and scuffed her shoe across the grit below them. "I've got this thing. This sickness. It's called Huntington's. You ever hear of that?" she looked at at the man sitting beside.

I can see how that would go 'hey Lyra I brought you a teenager :DDDDD'

[a-gentle-death.insanejournal.com]

Ah. Well. this explained so much then, He nodded, "I work as a palliative nurse. I know what it is." Poor mortal child. He could understand her desires then.

"I can't tell you it doesn't suck. It does. I can also understand how you feel. You feel like now your life is ending, that it has a definitive end, why try?" He tilted his head, "but I still disagree with your outlook."

"All life ends. This is a truth of existence. None of us are for eternity. We just don't know when it will come. I can get up, and someone might decide to shoot me. This is what makes life so fragile." He sighed. "I might sound like a lunatic though. I see a lot of death, but in their last time most people seek to make the last of their journey something to remember them by. You may ignore me, this is your right but rather then try and seek meaning through dodging cars seek it through finding meaning."

"I knew a little girl once, who was nine. She was dying and I visited. Brightest light you'll ever find. She told me that just because her light was fading, there was no reason to not share it with others. You are too a light. Explore life, not deny it."

she'd be all "what was this about not wanting kids, toasty??"

[littlekemp.insanejournal.com]

"Palliative nurse," Little closed, eyes blurring a little as she listened to him. "That's working with dying people, isn't it? Must be horrible. I couldn't do it. My dad's gonna need one of them soon."

She wiped at her eyes with her sleeve and sniffed. "I'm scared," she told him. "Like..." her voice shuddered and she teared up further "really really scared. I haven't told anyone that," she said, shaking her head.

'babies are fragile...but this one isn't :DDDDDD'

[a-gentle-death.insanejournal.com]

He took out a handkerchief and handed it to her. He didn't know her name, nor did he need to. He wanted to listen. "And you have a right to be. Don't let anyone, not even your parents, ever tell you it's not okay to be scared."

He shrugged, "it's not for everyone. And if your dad ever wants to stay home," he took out a card and handed it to her, "Call me. I'll come help free of charge. People should be allowed to be wherever they please." He cleared his throat, "but. As for you. This is scary. I can't imagine how scary it might be."

"What I can do is listen and offer what small advice I can. And let you know you are not alone if feeling so afraid." He frowned, "but, death is not the end of the journey." He gave a small smile, "but that is where belief comes in and that is an answer I cannot give to you. Faith is something you find, or not find, on your own."

'yeah, this one is ALREADY sick! *makes her cookies and tries not to talk about dead things*'

[littlekemp.insanejournal.com]

When he offered free help, Little looked a little more suspicious, holding the offered handkerchief halfway to her eyes as she took the card. "For free? Why would you do that?" she asked with a frown. She was old enough to know that not much in the world really came for free.

But then he started talking about faith and Little thought maybe the picture was all becoming a bit clearer. She looked around them at the people passing and then back to the stranger. "Oh my god, are you from a church or something? Cause then... you're probably wasting your breath. If god does exist then I'm pretty damn angry at him."

Toasty: picks all the ill strays

[a-gentle-death.insanejournal.com]

He laughed to that, "I do it out of faith, you would be correct in that." He shrugged, "I'm not part of a church, no. And you have every right to be angry at God. But it's plural for me. I'm a bad heathen, so to speak." Which was true, in it's own way. He was still Hades' minister, despite everything else.

"I'm also not going to convince you of anything. Faith is personal. It isn't a part of what you are going through, but it is a reason I wish to aid your father for free. You can check my credentials by calling the hospital I work at, and I think I have those facebook things." Maybe Lyra had one set up.

"Look I can't decide things for you but if you're feeling like you have to play chase the car, maybe you should talk to someone. Not your parents, but someone who knows how to talk a bit better then I can. I listen and help people find what joy they can. Sometimes I'm successful. Most days I'm not. I don't always know what to say."

[littlekemp.insanejournal.com]

She didn't really get what he meant about heathen and gods being plural, but maybe he was Hindu? She didn't know any other religions that had more than one god anymore.

"Thane Reini," Little read off the card. (She thought he'd said his name before, but she didn't really remember then.) "I'm Lil." Then she sighed. "I don't want to talk to a therapist. I told my mom that I don't have Huntington's and I don't want her to find out I lied to her. I don't know what to say most of the time either."

[a-gentle-death.insanejournal.com]

It wasn't for him to judge on that, but he knew such things never really worked out in the end. But he just shrugged and smiled. "Alright, Lil, it's a pleasure to meet you. Then I have a suggestion. Rather then sit here on this curb would you like something to drink? My twin is rather fond of those sugary concoctions they sell, and there's plenty of people there. We can both not know what to say or you can talk and I can listen."

He rose, "or you can go home. Just. No more going into traffic please. You are a very bright light. It would be a shame to see it snuffed out so easily."

Crushing beginning in 3... 2... 1....

[littlekemp.insanejournal.com]

A very bright light. He was saying she was pretty. She blushed and wished she wasn't all cry-faced right now. "I don't usually cry like this," she assured him. "I mean, I'm not someone who spends all their time being all snot-faced. I'm just, uh, things... you know?"

She tucked hair behind her ear and nodded. "I could get a drink."

Ahahaha nooo Toasty has no idea how to deal with that XD

[a-gentle-death.insanejournal.com]

Smiling he rose and waited for her. "Everyone's allowed to cry now and again. It's good for you. And never apologize either. You don't need to explain yourself to anyone but yourself."

Nodding he kept a polite distance, so not to make her feel threatened, as he walked to the nearest coffeeshop and was glad plenty were around. He opened the door for her and followed her inside. "to help you realize that life can be rather nice, I will buy for you. With your permission."

[littlekemp.insanejournal.com]

"Okay," Little said with a small smile at him as they went inside. She was already starting a feel a little better. Well, a little better about today anyway. The larger issues were still looming and weren't going to stop. "I've spent all my pocket money anyway."

"I feel kinda stupid," Little said as they stood in line.

[a-gentle-death.insanejournal.com]

"Well, don't." He gave with a smile, "you're confused, and probably more then a little lonely. You acted in a way that spoke more about desiring communication then anything. And right now, that I can offer."

When they came to the counter he let her order and got some tea for himself. "I can't promise I'm very good conversation however. I can talk about my family if you like? You already know I have a twin. I have three other sisters I'm close to, and a younger sibling who is more cheerful then anyone really has a right to be. And you?"

[littlekemp.insanejournal.com]

After ordering herself a hot chocolate she said, "there's my mom and dad. I live with them." Which sort of gave away how young she was and so she added, "but just until I find my own place." She already didn't want Thane to think of her as really young. "I've got two sisters and a brother but they're all more than ten years older than me so... they're not really like my siblings."

"I've got friends though," she assured him. "I'm not some sort of loner and... I wasn't trying to kill myself." She looked at him seriously. "I know it probably maybe looked like that's what I was doing."

[a-gentle-death.insanejournal.com]

"I believe you," he offered with a smile and went to sit down, removing his coat as he did so. "I have siblings like that, beyond those I've mentioned. My family is very large. There are some who are all but strangers to me. It's funny that way."

"I'm also not on too great of terms with my parents. We don't argue or anything, but I'm just disconnected with them."

[littlekemp.insanejournal.com]

"I wish I was disconnected from mine," Little sighed. "I sort of don't want to be around them much these days. It's kinda complicated now. I've got a nephew but he's my oldest brother's son and he's actually a year older than me, so it's kind of confusing like that and, well, we used to be really close and he was like a proper brother but now... I don't know how to be friends with him anymore. He's not sick. He won't ever get sick. And I kind of hate him for it. Like... proper hate him."

[a-gentle-death.insanejournal.com]

He let her talk, sipping on his tea every now and again. "That's normal. You're allowed to feel anger, but to let it drive you is another question. You'd fill yourself up with just that, and you'd have nothing but that anger." He gave a smile, "this will sound cliche, but you have to allow yourself to go through all of the stages of grief."

"And in your own time. Know that you are grieving though, but don't let it become an excuse. Try something, and if it doesn't work you can come yell at me. Every day, try and find something that makes life good. A gesture, a show of solidarity. You have to personally see it though. Try and find the light in life. We all wonder what we would do in life. So find what you would do."

[littlekemp.insanejournal.com]

"You sure you're not a therapist?" Little asked him. "Cause you really sound like a therapist." She didn't really know what the 'stages of grief' were, although she thought maybe she'd heard of it before. But she did know one thing: "I'm not grieving. I mean, no one has died. Well," she added more quietly. "Yet."

"You're telling me to, like, show up at your house and yell at you?" Little asked, raising an eyebrow at that.

[a-gentle-death.insanejournal.com]

He gave a soft chuckle, "in my line of work you always learn how to talk to people. More importantly, how to listen." He shrugged, "call it what you will. You are facing something big and unavoidable. In the end you can choose to learn how to deal with it."

He nodded, "Absolutely. Just give some heads up so I'm not half asleep." He smirked, "And I understand not wishing to tell your parents and I won't force you, but the more you hide something the more people tend to find it."

[littlekemp.insanejournal.com]

"I don't really want to deal with it at all," Little sighed. "That's how I'm doing it so far. Just, like, pretending it's not even real? And I really don't want to tell my parents. Like... not ever or at all." She rubbed her eyes with the balls of her palms until she saw white spots and then dropped them again. "I think about running away, just somewhere far away so I wouldn't have to tell them."

[a-gentle-death.insanejournal.com]

"but in the end, they will still know. Far away or close enough they'll still find out." He tilted his head, "secrets have a way of coming out whether you want them to or not. Better they know now."