(no subject)

[shades-of-fate.insanejournal.com]

Who: Victor and Kat
What: Everything is a bit suck at the moment
When: Tuesday
Where: Victor's Place
Warnings: TBD


If honest with herself, Kat was starting to think of Victor's place as 'home'. A safe place, where everything bad could be shut out and she didn't have to think. She kept it to herself for now though. When he picked her up she'd just smiled and climbed into the car. She'd been quiet most of the ride, staring out at the city and hating how utterly normal it looked.

Somewhere out there something so evil had a friend of hers in it's claws, and people were still busy yelling at traffic. It felt horribly unfair. She wanted to yell at them, but didn't. Instead she played with a bracelet on her wrist and was quiet. When they arrived she walked into his home and put up her coat. It all felt mechanical. She wondered if any of it mattered.

She found herself on the couch with the desire to cry, but didn't. She'd cried more then enough over the past few days. Between the nightmares and that, she just felt tired. "I really want to run away." She finally gave. She toyed her fingers over her jeans. "And it feels like it wouldn't matter. Like nothing matters."

Comments

[sciomachy.insanejournal.com]

Victor wasn't sure what she meant by that. He kissed her again and turned so he could look at her. "What do you mean?"

[shades-of-fate.insanejournal.com]

"I don't know." She shook her head and sighed. "Maybe I'm just clinging too hard. I'm just afraid I'll do or say something, or something will happen, and you won't be here. I feel like you're the only thing that makes sense, and I don't want to lose it. One way or the other."

Sighing she ran her hands over her eyes, "I don't know. I'm worried about so many things, and so many of those don't make sense or they're the wrong things to worry about." she set her arms on her legs and leaned her head in her hands. "Just grasping at straws."

[sciomachy.insanejournal.com]

"If you're worried, then they're not the wrong things to worry about. You can't help how you feel," he assured her. "And I can also promise I'm not go anywhere if it's my choice. I love you. Do you want to tell me what you're worried about?"

[shades-of-fate.insanejournal.com]

She shrugged. "Everything." She wished she could have more of his calm. She envied him for that. She looked at him from under her hands. "And I'm not saying that to be difficult or anything. I worry about you, me, us, Thomas, Jamie." She ran her hands through her hair. "And Jamie doesn't know and he's going to have to find out. In the worst possible way."

She sighed, "and I very much understand why people drink right now because getting blindingly drunk sounds awesome right now. But it won't change anything. And I just keep wondering how immortals deal with all this? I'm constantly afraid and worried. How do they turn all that off?"

[sciomachy.insanejournal.com]

"You're not difficult," he was quick to assure her. "Does anything help with the worry? Does anything make it less?" If she was worrying all the time, that wasn't really something they could move past. If it was constant and not just because Lena had been taken, they might need to address it.

[shades-of-fate.insanejournal.com]

She shrugged, then bit her lip. She wondered if she was too co-dependent. "I don't think about it, or I'm with you." She looked to her hands. "It's not like I spend every moment worried. I did that once. It wasn't fun. I couldn't do anything. I was just stuck inside worry and panic. I'm pretty sure my folks were going to make me see a doctor. But there's no one to talk to. I can't tell people I'm worried about immortals fucking up lives because they can."

She sighed, "my family isn't exactly nice. I worry someone will go after Cordy and Miranda and me because my grandfather pissed them off. I worry about you for the same reason. I worry he'll try and be helpful in his own way. But not all the time.Now it just all comes crashing down because the possibility is very real. And when faced with that, I worry." She looked at him, "is that bad? Is that something I ought to change?"

[sciomachy.insanejournal.com]

"No, love, of course not." He gave her a gentle squeeze. "I was just concerned because if you were worried all the time, it could get difficult to do anything else. And if that was the case maybe looking into anti-anxiety medication could be an option. Though no one could ever tell you they aren't legitimate things to worry about. Of course they are. It's just important to find a balance."

He turned to face her. "I always feel better when I'm with you too, if that means anything."

[shades-of-fate.insanejournal.com]

She smiled at that and raised a bracelet, "a bit cheaper then medication, and surprisingly effective. Even if it's a placebo. Hecate made it." she shrugged, "but if that was the case I would look into medication. Things like the bracelet aren't exactly bandaids. Just aids. And I try to. Just hard right now."

She set her hand on his cheek and smiled again. "Means more then you know." She dropped her hand. "Can I stay?"

[sciomachy.insanejournal.com]

"I think everything is hard right now," he said sadly.

"Please do stay. The company will do me good as well. Are you hungry at all?"

[shades-of-fate.insanejournal.com]

She paused, wondering when she'd last eaten something decent. A while, if the faint grumbling from her stomach said anything. "Yeah. I should eat." Stress made her forget quite a bit. It was probably not a good thing.

[sciomachy.insanejournal.com]

"I'll make something for both of us. I've been quite distracted and grazing instead of actually eating." He leaned in to kiss her first, however. "Then I can try to be distracting if you'd like."

[shades-of-fate.insanejournal.com]

She smiled to the kiss. He was so wonderful. She really wished she could repay him for all that. "I'll take distractions." With a long breath she rose. "I'll help with food."

[sciomachy.insanejournal.com]

"We can be terribly domestic," he smiled at her. When he stood, he offered her a hand up. "I could show you embarrassing teenage photos if you want. Or you could kick my pixelated ass at a video game."

[shades-of-fate.insanejournal.com]

She took his hand and used it to get close so she could set her arms around him. "I just hope you know you're wonderful." she smiled up at him. "Always are. And anything. And right now you'd be kicking my ass. Too distracted. But I'll take embarrassing pictures."

[sciomachy.insanejournal.com]

Victor was pleasantly surprised by the embrace, but he as quite happy to wrap his arms around her as well. "I know I love you," he said because he was a bit too humble to agree with her telling him how wonderful he was. "Embarrassing photos it is. I have some doozies."

[shades-of-fate.insanejournal.com]

"Great," she released him before remembering. She'd had so much on her mind recently. "I told my folks I'd drag you over. I may have inadvertently suggested for you to have a cooking battle with my father. He really wants to do the dad speech. I think with three girls, it's one of his great joys." She smiled again, "but no rush. Whenever. I'm sure they'll be willing to repay you in embarrassing teenage pictures."

[sciomachy.insanejournal.com]

Victor had already met Erica, but he hadn't yet met Kat's father. "I would love to do that," he said honestly. Family was important to him and he knew it was to her as well. "I'll be aware of the dad speech though I can hardly blame him."

[shades-of-fate.insanejournal.com]

"Thank you," grateful for the change in topic she moved to the kitchen. "Me and Cordy are trying to coordinate this. She'll bring over Phantasos, and he can do the speech to two people in one go." She shook her head, "do you have anything unhealthy?"

She wondered for a moment, but they'd already discussed the possibility of kids, "what would your dad speech be like? I'm imagining terribly amusing, with a lot of mentions of how you can get people arrested."

[sciomachy.insanejournal.com]

Victor opened his fridge and glanced around for something that might fill Kat's desire for something unhealthy. "You mean like cake, or macaroni and cheese?" he asked, a hint of an amused smile on his face. "My dad speech? Oh there would definitely be mentions of law enforcement," he chuckled. "I'd probably be overprotective and you'd have to remind me not to be, if I'm honest."

[shades-of-fate.insanejournal.com]

That was an easy decision, "Cake." She grinned. "Right now, cake is food." She ought to have something actually food, but being responsible didn't sound very amusing right now.

"You're cute when you get overprotective though, so sorry. All out of luck. I'd just be far too amused." She gave him a smile to that.

[sciomachy.insanejournal.com]

"I have raspberry chocolate cake I made last night actually." It was on the counter on his cake stand. "I was stress baking. I made some pasta salad as well if you feel like having any of that." It would mean they didn't have to cook anything. He fetched some forks and plates. "I'm also probably going to try to be cool dad and end up looking ridiculous," he said with a smile.

[shades-of-fate.insanejournal.com]

Nodding she took a seat, "cake first because it sounds pretty good right now and being responsible is not happening until I've had cake. Then salad." She chuckled then, "You'll be amazing regardless. Even if part of it is ridiculous. And I think you'll be better at it then you think."

[sciomachy.insanejournal.com]

He sliced her some cake and handed it over like she asked before getting himself a slice as well. "I wanted to be a dad for so long, I'll probably get way over-excited and show pictures to random people on the street. Would you like anything to drink?"

[shades-of-fate.insanejournal.com]

He was adorable really. "Water is fine. Anything else might be bad." Smiling she dug into the cake, "that will be entertaining during pregnancy though, the whole over exited thing. I don't think the smiling would ever stop."

[sciomachy.insanejournal.com]

He fetched her some water as well and then he actually sat down beside her to eat his cake. "Nope. Smiling would not cease. Nor would me singing and reading to your belly. I can't wait to read to my kid, you know? That's just something I always wanted and I never thought I'd have it."